Harpur's Bizarre

Today I read a teenage boy in Italy stabbed his daddy in the neck for interrupting his FIFA playstation game.

Fair call.  Harsh, but fair.  Interrupting an imaginary game of soccer is grounds for a good stabbing if I ever heard one.

It’s like running up to a sleeping dog and vigorously rubbing it, while singing the instrumental riff of ‘New York New York’- BA Da dada dada! Ba da dada dada!  It is just asking for a chunk of flesh to be removed.

Wholesome Fun for the Whole Family!

Gaming is an intense, noble art.  The hours perfecting the opposable thumb grip, the looming risk of RSI.  These guys should be given medals.  The strength in their thumbs alone, is enough to make a me weak at the knees.

Oh the mental prowress!  The stamina!  The risk of square eyeballs!  I am quivering with excitement.

I am also quivering with sarcasm.

Now, we all have hobbies we indulge that are not furthering the development of ourselves as individuals, or the human race- maybe you like juggling chainsaws or are a dab hand with chatter rings or yoyos.  Maybe you like reading trashy novels or watching Shortland Street.  That’s fine.

But computer games are possibly the biggest misdirection of energy I have seen in my long, soul searching, wisdom gathering 27 years on Planet Earth.  I am not referring to those who occasionally have an XBOX binge on the weekend, but throw up afterwards so it doesn’t count.

I am referring to the addicts.  You know who you are.  And I don’t have to worry about you getting cross with me, because you will never read this because your imaginary world of breast-plates and slave sandals satisfies you more than reading my self-righteous rants.

Avid gamers are like crack addicts, they actually feel justified in their use of time, in that they will tell you it is enhancing their lateral thinking, strategy and ability to plan a massacre on annoying neighbours.  It is also enhancing their social retardation, and likelihood of obesity.

I do see the appeal of gaming.  But I also see the appeal of heroin.  I don’t want AIDS, or GAIDS (Gaming AIDS).  Hepatitis would be shit.  So would Gametitis (OK.  I lost it.)  That is why I stay away from both.

I will admit I am a bit of a freak about it.  In that I over empathise.  When I play Grand theft Auto, I try and take the hookers to self improvement seminars.

I don’t like games where you need to kill to get ahead.  How is that a preparation for life?

I don’t see a life devoid of violence as a boring thing.  I see it as pretty choice.  If I wanted to play games that divulged some kind of weird fantasy, i wouldn’t be carrying explosives.  I’d have a jigsaw puzzle and an arrowroot biscuit.  Maybe a while a Koala bear watches and plays with himself.

Or maybe not.