My son has started doing Karate lessons.
He is taught this ancient martial art by a guy who has spent twenty years of his life perfecting a skill he is never really going to use.
You can see in his eyes, as he kicks children for cash, that he is disappointed his life is not in danger on a regular basis.
Little Johnny is hungry for new information, while Sensei is hungry to poke Little Johnny in the eye.
Today's Martial Artists...
When martial arts were first invented, it was pretty much a necessity. You needed to learn how to protect your village from night-ninjas who wanted to poison your emperor, or steal your invisible cape. If you didn’t know how this stuff worked, you would definitely end up not alive; a.k.a- dead.
Martial arts was not only a great way to impress the ladies with your ripped up, Bruce Lee bod, and impress your mates with drunken-wall-head-butting; but was as vital in ensuring the communities survival as an electrician is today.
They were needed. They were loved.
But the martial arts masters of this era are practising a defunct skill. It’s the ‘knitting’ of new millenium.
They must get frustrated with the lack of crises they find themselves in. It must be very irritating to hold the knowledge of how to make someones heart beat backwards, until blood starts squirting out the eyeballs, then said heart falls out the victims nasal cavity; causing the brain to implode, then slither out the earhole-without ever getting the chance to test it out.
That’s like baking the most delicious cheesecake in the world, but never being allowed to have a munch.
Torture.
They have a wealth of practical knowledge, with no reason to apply it.
I bet they walk through the park at midnight, wearing cowboy boots and ass-less chaps- hoping to squeeze an attempted rape in before they get home.
I bet they go to the pub with ’Hate Crime is Awesome’ tattooed on their forehead while wearing an ‘Apartheid Was Actually Not a Bad Idea’ t-shirt.
And chances are, if they do find someone who will take the bait and give them reason to bust out their moves; the brunt of this frustration will probably have a loaded gun and pop a cap in their karate chops.
Is the study and practise of Martial Arts a valid skill, or a gross misdirection of energy?
Yes- martial arts keeps one fit. But so does stacking the woodpile, mowing the lawn or vacuuming ones house with vigour.
Yes- martial arts teaches one discipline. But so does standing over a sleepy child with a fly swat, poised, ready to swipe if the child succumbs to the sweet lure of dream-time.
Yes- martial arts builds self-esteem. But so does walking a three-legged dog, or hanging around ugly kids.
Do the children of the world a favour. Unless you actually want little Johnny in assless chaps, with inflammatory statements tattooed on his forehead, begging for the bash- divert any suggestions of martial arts study with a firm push in the direction of an electrical apprenticeship.
4 Comments
December 6, 2009 at 12:09 am
while seeing your point. if you use this argument pretty much all sports are compleley pointless and archiac who needs to run fast? we have cars etc.
and as for knowing how to use your body to look after yourself, well its a good insurance policy right?
the mixed martial arts scene is all about the practial use of martial arts with out the mythology. Arts like judo and Brazilain Jiu Sitsu are all about knowing how to keep yourself safe if you get in a dangerous situation and enjoyin gthe sportive nature of it.
Karate has stuff to offer to. Like any thing, if the person running it is a prat then it wil be unhelpful. True for a rugby club or a bridge club.
and to empasise the point if we judge everything in life by its practicallity in the harsh light of everyday life, that excludes alot of pretty awesome stuff right?
Your article did make me laugh a lot!
thanks for stirring
December 6, 2009 at 2:51 am
You are welcome, and you raised some mighty fine points! And the instructor is pretty cool, I can just tell he would rather be having a show down with 5 ninjas than a pack of 8 year olds!
December 6, 2009 at 3:26 am
That was witty, but that’s not nearly enough.
Unless you’ve done martial arts yourself (and this means having trained them for a number of years; not a weekend course or a free class at your gym), any observations you make are purely from an outsider’s point of view, and martial arts can seem a strange breed of machismo, antiquated ideals and destructive malaise. If a moron is teaching, it can seem far more so.
Yes, the sort of jackasses teaching classes do exist (the “Rex Kwon Do” character of Napoleon Dynamite is funnier to martial artists than anyone), and yes there are those people who strut about looking for trouble, begging for a chance to use their “martial” skills on anyone who so much as slights them.
They are out there, and they are a massive embarrassment to anyone who takes martial arts seriously. They strut, they posture, they pose for magazines showing them delivering the death blow to a mugger. Most of the ones doing this are, sadly, men. Let’s be honest here: no big surprise.
Now let’s flip it over: to be fair, I can say the same thing of rugby, cricket, football, netball, badminton and the list goes on. What good does chucking or smacking or kicking a ball do anyone in their day-to-day lives, let alone the use of rock-climbing, archery, yachting, weight-lifting or any number of activities people love to do every day? Answer: none. I have no practical reason to do any of these things, yet we still do them. Yoga? Aerobics? Pilates? Spin?
Your unfortunate-but-obvious attempt to equate martial arts instructors to repressed homosexuals was, well, a little creepy. Not quite as creepy as your attempt to elicit laughs on the idea that martial artists would seek conflict through what, racists shirts and bigotry on their forehead? Do you imagine all martial artists to be Travis Bickles?
Personally, martial arts are a way to relaxation, like yoga, a way to exercise like dance, and a way to interact with others, like an evening at the pub. I’m not pumped up on testosterone. I’m not worried (or looking) for a fight. Quite the opposite. I hate violence.
But I love the training. I love the meditation after class. I love the time I spend with others. I think I speak for the majority of practitioners when I say, I practice not to find violence in my life but instead to avoid it; avoid it most importantly inside myself.
I teach adults and kids, and always I try to foster the idea of working together, of respect for your partner and respect for others. I explain that what you are learning IS dangerous and thus you need to be all the more kind, all the more understanding of others, and work hard to remove emotional conflict as this is what leads to the ignorance of physical violence.
Your implicit message appears to be that martial arts teachers are frustrated men with something to prove. Yet with one exception, ALL of my martial arts instructors have been women. Shocking as it might be to believe, a lot of women do martial arts. Its not just us guys stalking around the park in our chaps at night, looking for rapists.
And by the way, I know lots of people who knit. They knit me racist t-shirts to wear into pubs, pairs of chaps and so on.
Unless you’ve actually studied a martial arts in any way (and I am being presumptuous, but it’s fairly clear you haven’t), your opinions are based on a few weak experiences with your son’s dimwit of a teacher. Do yourself a favour: stop being a lazy ass and try getting your son a better teacher.
June 7, 2010 at 9:15 am
Take a chill pill people. Sarah you are correct. Karate is one of life’s pointless hobbies.
What makes it worse is that children, after working on their skills for years, are encouraged NOT to use it in the play ground. This would be the perfect stage to show of their skills but for some reason it is not the done thing.
In saying that being able to smash ten piece of wood with my bare hands is a skill that would be handy.