I am not a fan of dolphins.
They are the Christians of the sea.
They chase after sharks, push their beliefs and avoid caffeine.
I don’t trust them. A face that streamlined could only be designed for evil and sordid acts. Acts of evil. And sordidity (what do you mean ’sordidity’ isn’t a word? It clearly is. Well, [...]
Entries from November 2009
November 27, 2009
Dolphin Worship Danger
November 22, 2009
Performing Arts- A Promising Career Choice
I spent three years of my life studying performing arts.
The only job I got out of it was the mascot for the Hawkes Bay Hawks Basketball team.
This is me dancing behind a cheerleader. I look like I’m planning on following her home.
That’s because I did.
Didn’t really know what to do once I got there. Just [...]
November 19, 2009
Too Much Space in Space
Some people are fascinated with outer space.
I am too- in the same way some people are fascinated with mass murderers. Intriguing, but it will freak you out if you think about it too much.
Racist people are scared of black men. I am scared of black holes.
There is far too much space in space. Plant a [...]
November 13, 2009
Footish Feetish
My feet are as wide as they are long.
It’s OK. I’ve come to terms with it, made peace with my DNA, and had a cup of tea and a toasted sandwich with my shitty genes.
My feet make an impressive base. Sturdy. Wide. My toes reach out sideways, greedily covering as much ground as possible. Due [...]
November 10, 2009
Jesus Needs a Brother (or Sister)
I don’t know much about Christianity, or religion in general.
Everyone has a different slant on the thing, but one emerging theme that most people agree on, is that Jesus was pretty cool.
I’m just wondering if God feels ready to breed again (If you are listening, God, this is NOT an offer…) because it has been [...]
November 7, 2009
My Facebook Disempower Animal
On Facebook you can find out anything. It is a wealth of reliable information.
Today I found out my power animal. I hoped it would be lion, so I answered my questions in a liony fashion (What is your favourite movie? C- Shakespeare in Love. An obvious choice for a lion).
But alas, twas not to be. [...]
November 1, 2009
Letter to Bishop Brian Tamaki
Dear Brian
You have inspired me.
I am going to start my very own cult. It is going to kick your cults ass.
It involves blind faith, brainwashing and, if we feel like a bit of fun- a leisurely mass suicide. (I got in trouble as a child for getting my friends 6-year-old brother to sign a suicide [...]
