I love to laugh at hippies. I do. It’s fun because it makes me feel better about myself. Some people say “Don’t blow out someone elses candle to make yours appear brighter!” I can. And I will. I think it is effective. It’s amazing how bright your shitty little flame looks when compared to a [...]
Entries from October 2009
October 23, 2009
Pets are Lazy. Sort it Out.
Pets are lazy. They need to start trading in a commodity other than love. Humans work every day in order to survive, yet every day our pets bludge food, warmth, shelter and healthcare; whilst giving nothing in return. Pets are much worse than children, because we are not investing in them long-term. There will be [...]
October 21, 2009
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
We all have excuses. I need a few more to add to my arsenal, because mine are starting to wear thin. My dad died when I was 15. That was a great excuse for bad behaviour. “Sarah! Where is your essay on Shakespeare and his awesomeness?” “I have a dead dad.” “Ahhhhhmmmmm…. uh. Hmmm. You [...]
October 14, 2009
Monster Extinction Theory
Once upon a time, ages and ages ago, there were monsters! Real, scary, monsters that roamed the earth and made shrieking banshee noises and sniffed bubbling tar pits for recreational purposes. Then they died. Some people would call these monsters ‘dinosaurs’, but those people would probably call bunnies ‘rabbits’. No one really knows how they [...]
October 13, 2009
Feral, Diseased Kids
My son went away for the school holidays, and has returned to me in many pieces. He has lice- or as I like to call them, ‘insect vampires’. He has a family of insects living on his head, feeding off his blood and laying eggs on his hair. Needless to say our relationship is suffering, [...]
October 5, 2009
Get in Shape for Summer!
Hey Guys! Summer is around the corner! Yeah! So it’s time to get ‘Peter Andre’ abs, and a fab bikini bod! Yeah! G-string bikini time! Oh Yeah! Time to make Paris Hilton look like the fatty fatty boom boom she is with my Top 10 Diet Tips! Yeah! Now you can use your collar bones [...]
October 3, 2009
Older and Wiser?
I have a fetish for old people. A strictly non-sexual fetish, but my excitement for ageing would definitely fall into the category of fetish. As patronising as it may sound I want to adopt pretty much every old person I meet as my new grandparent. I want to sit on their knee as they read [...]
